Hey peeps. This journal is set to expire into oblivion next month.

Email me if you want the key my soul's new home.

msmarcotte at msn dot com

The Blowers Daughter
Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in the sky

(chorus)

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

(chorus)

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

(chorus)

My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

I have always believed that a journal must serve a purpose. This journal can no longer serve the purpose for me that I intended for it. With a heavy hand, and a heavier heart, this journal is now sealed.

This journal was never meant to be private, only safe. My safe space is no longer safe for me.

five details about your appearance right now
[x] grommet belt that I feel IS business wear
[x] black fleece zip-up, newly aquired from the gf
[x] sexy-English-teacher-Po/Mo glasses becasue allergies really do suck
[x] soccer t-shirt with my name on it, though I've never played for this team
[x] jeans that make my fat ass attractive

five things you did today.
[x] told a positive, motivational story about an "anonymous" student to that student and their whole class, and got chills and beamed and cried and watched that student do the same
[x] threw up
[x] kissed my girlfriend
[x] laughed
[x] shared Romeo and Juliet with my ENG1 classes, and was amazed at how much they LOVE it (the manuscript!)

five things that everyone should know about you.
[x] i have a breaking point, and if you are the type of person who actually succeeds in pushing me there, you will find that you can never go back
[x] I love to dance, I love techno and club and house and trance music, and I really don't care if you think I CAN dance or if YOU like the music
[x] When I'm good, I'm very very good... but when I'm bad, I'm better...
[x] Weather stirs me more than words.
[x] I am painfully shy and very insecure about my body, but I'm a fucking egotist about my love, loyalty and writing.

five groups/artists you listened to today.
[x] D12
[x] Indigo Girls (Romeo and Juliet)
[x] my students chatter
[x] my students silence as I dramatically read the chorus for R&J
[x] my students laughter

five things that disgust you.
[x] racism and hate based on sexual anythings (this includes being a man hater, people...)
[x] people who choose to starve themselves
[x] Zionists
[x] people who have no concept of true political ideals and repeatedly spew off what they heard a political entertainer say instead of thinking for themselves
[x] selective ignorance

five things you can't live without.
[x] diet coke
[x] places to be queer
[x] nature
[x] my family, birth or selected
[x] dreams

five things you'll do when you complete this.
[x] pee
[x] go back to doing work
[x] check my email
[x] get stuff ready for a meeting
[x] find stuff to entertain me on the soccer bus (last game of the season! WOOT!)

... well, okay. The pen of a student.

A
Boy in my
Chemistry class likes big
Doggs that try to
Explain themselves while having
Fun playing with little
Girls in darkened classrooms and walking down the long
Halls.
I stop and laugh with
Joy and someone comes and
Killjoys me in the
Lunchroom, using all sorts of
Nouns. I tried to explain to my
Math teacher what happened on the
Outside of her door, but I guess I used too many
Pronouns so the teacher got mad and gave everyone a
Quiz in which I diid bad, but out of
Respect, I just looked around. I laugh, because
Spring break is long gone and I'm just a
Teen who loves to have fun, we're all
United in this plight, together we stand, to win us a
Victory and to
Win very grand, but please don't give us
X-tra assignments because we're
Young and restless, and no I won't
Zip up that jacket and turn off that racket.

The assignment was an acrostic poem, 26 lines long. Each student wrote one word pertaining to the word "school" for each letter of the alphabet down a sheet a paper. We then collected them, mixed them up, and each student got someone elses words to "link" together in a poem. This was the bitchy front row girls. I collected them and read them in a very slam/freestyle way without revealing the author. The other students LOVED it, clapping and whistling at this one.

Chuckstyle4, you are a savior. Thanks for being my distraction today, my AIM liferaft.

You taste like chicken, you're THAT good.

BUSH ALLOWS GAYS TO BE FIRED FOR BEING GAY

Despite President Bush's pledge that homosexuals "ought to have the same
rights" (1) as all other people, his Administration this week ruled that
homosexuals can now be fired from the federal workforce because of their
sexual orientation.

According to the Federal Times, the president's appointee at the Office of
Special Counsel ruled that federal employees will now "have no recourse if
they are fired or demoted simply for being gay." (2) While the Bush
Administration says it is legally prohibited from firing a person for their
conduct, they have the legal right to fire or demote someone based on their
sexual orientation. To carry out the directive, the White House has begun
removing information from government websites about sexual orientation
discrimination in the workplace. (3)

Not only does the new directive contradict the president's own promise to
treat homosexuals as equals under the law, but it also contradicts what the
Administration told Congress. As noted in a bipartisan letter from four
Senators to the Administration, "During the confirmation process [of the
president's appointee], you assured us that you were committed to protecting
federal employees against unlawful discrimination related to their sexual
orientation." (4)

Sources:
1. Debates, 10/11/2000.
2. "OSC to study whether bias law covers gays", Federal Times, 03/15/2004,
http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=2368678&l=23802.
3. "Gay Rights Information Taken Off Site", Washington Post, 02/18/2004,
http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=2368678&l=23803.
4. "Special Counsel Under Scrutiny", Washington Post, 02/23/2004,
http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=2368678&l=23804.

Visit Misleader.org for more about Bush Administration distortion. -->
< http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=2368678&l=23805 >

===========================================================

Subscribe to the Daily Mislead! Go to http://www.misleader.org and enter
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top-left corner of the page.

O, my fucking god.

Ben and Jerry's has a line of low-carb ice cream.

Low carb means good for diabetics.

I have a reason to live!

::dies, happy, but with blood sugar at its appropriate levels::

1. What is your middle name?

It was Ja'nelle, which was a combination of Jan and Ella (my mom's two eclectic aunts) with a ' for flair, but they decided against it when I was like 4 and changed it to Janelle. So, yeah. Janelle.

2. If you had been born the other sex, did your parents tell you what your name would have been?

Gareth Andrew. I was a boy right up to birth, according to the ultra sounds. Come on, you babies-born-between-August-and-December-of-1978, you know the same thing happened to you :)

3. Do you have children and if so, what are their names?

No children. Well, I have Bob, but he's more of a roommate than a child. When he's being Good Kitty and not Destructo-Cat, I call him by the name I gave him (bu Save) and not Bob, which is what the animal control people named him before I got him.

4. If you were to ever have a child or more children, what would you name them?

I love old-world names. Delilah, Orah, Rose, Betty, Nancy, Able, Aiden, Ester, Cabot, Burt... but I oculdn't name me kids those. I'd like to name my children after family members, but it's also really important to me that their name doesn't imply an imposed gender. Yeah, I'm a freak. Deal.

5. Most people know their mother's maiden name, but do you know your grandmothers' maiden names?

MGM - Monfort
PGM - Herres

(Hit me, baby! I'm HOT!)

6. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?
Yes, Chrissy. But she died in a fire two weeks before school started. I was four when I announced this at dinner one night, when I asked my dad to pick up her place setting and to put it away, she wasn't coming back.

7. What was the name of your first pet?
A dalmation named Dotty and a black cat with white "socks" named Puss-in-Boots

After that, it was Copper and Missy (mutt bird dogs) and Zoobaroo (Zoobie) a tabby cat. Then Socrates. Fled Logers, a goldfish, was also there. LONG story.

8. What was the name of the first person you ever kissed?

For fun, Ceicle Newkirk. In kindergarten. For real, Jason Engobretson. Both, I believe, are gay... hmmm... I guess you really CAN make people gay... ut oh... Rachel?...

9. What was the name of the school you attended as a child?

First, it was Rancho Salano Traditional School. Then, PMS. Literally, Park Meadows School.

10. What was/is the name of your English teacher(s) in high school?

9th grade - Ms. Kukineness (later she changed her name to Ms. Hymen ::snicker, snicker::); 10th grade - Ms. Criner; 11th grade - Ms. Peplinski; 12th grade - I took college English instead of 12th grade English, so 101 was Ms. Criner and this other woman whom I had a HUGE crush on and can't remember her name! Grr.

11. Do you name your vehicles? What are the name(s)?

My first car was a 1979 Dodge Diplomat, which my friends called the Marvin Car (faded, splotchy blood-red interior looked like the Pulp Fiction car Marvin was shot in), or else the Pirate (because it smelled like the Pirates of the Carribbean ride in Disneyland). My next one was a 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais that my Dad still calls "Old Blue" and I called Meredith.

( Because I'm not above posting song lyrics... )

Woah, where did that song come from?... oh yeah. It came into my head as I checked my inbox this morning. Eh. I don't even have it in me to wax nostalgic anymore.

There was that, and a link for a sex toy that wasn't spam. Mmmm.

The Weekend of Reckoning has Arrived! I must clean my filthy apartment today. I must get my house finished for The Coming (hehehe... as in The Arrival). And, I need to lesson plan for my sub(s) next week.

And at this time, next week, I'll be tearing down some highway in Idaho, wind in my hair, song in my head, study guide in my lap, probably with a Thirst Buster the size of a underdeveloped nation between my legs (can't...get...enough...diet coke...)

I can't wait to see my folks and my big sis on Wednesday, even if it is just for a few hours on a lay over. It will be FABULOUS. And then, Portland (shudders.)

Woah... Portland.

Portland, OR.

What the fuck am I doing?...

If I were a month I would be: March or October, portal for change...
If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday. It's the true LAST DAY OF THE WEEK before THE WEEKEND.
If I were a time of day I would be: Late night, that's when I'm at my best.
If I were a planet I would be: Earth. Inhabited, imperfect.
If I were a sea animal I would be: Plankton
If I were a direction I would be: East, always in motion.
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a bed. Oh, a bed.
If I were a sin I would be: Lust, definately.
If I were a liquid I would be: Water. It all starts here.
If I were a stone, I would be: River rock, simple and beautiful.
If I were a tree, I would be: a cyprus or a redwood, maybe something big and shady like an ashe or aspen.
If I were a bird, I would be: one of those penguines who doesn't need to be cold.
If I were a tool, I would be: A reciprocating saw ;-)
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: tulip! tulip!
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: a monsoon, or a blizzard
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a sorceress.
If I were an animal, I would be: a clydesdale
If I were a color, I would be: Hues of blues!
If I were a vegetable, I would be: you now, I think being a green bean would rock.
If I were a sound, I would be: laughter
If I were an element, I would be: wind, magnifying the flames or waves or raising the dust
If I were a car, I would be: a Rolls Royce
If I were a song, I would be: trapped in a composer's head, his muse, the symphony that haunts him
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Oliver Stone
If I were a book, I would be written by: Anne Rice
If I were a food, I would be: A carbohydrate. Any. All.
If I were a place, I would be: rachel's open arms
If I were a material, I would be: microfiber!
If I were a taste, I would be: creamy :)
If I were a scent, I would be: a "trigger," something that brings about a memory, and a different one for each person
If I were a religion, I would be: free will... if more people would just worship free will...
If I were a word, I would be: love
If I were an object, I would be: a coin or a bill... imagine the world you'd see...
If I were a facial expression I would be: THE SMILE WHEN YOU RECIEVE A COMPLIMENT YOU TRULY BELIEVE
If I were a subject in school I would be: Independent Study
If I were a cartoon character I would be: animated?
If I were a shape I would be an: elipse... i already am, but it would be so much more socially acceptable!

x. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Ledgends of the Fall, probably... I wept like a wee babe in that flick.

x. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
Yes, being cheated on by everyone I fall in love with. And cockroaches. And things that are dead.

x. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?
Covering my mouth when I laugh or flexing my jaw.

x. Are you a pyromaniac?
Nah, fire has its purpose but I'm not a freak about it.

x. Do you have too many love interests?
None too mant at all! Just the one.

x. Describe your bed.
It's a queen matress on a boxspring on a frame. I have an egg crate, a padded matress pad, 350 count sheets, and psuedo-feather comforter, lush duevets, and 5 pillows.

x. Spontaneous or plan?
Spontaneous, for the most part.

x. Do you know how to play poker?
Yep. Well.

x. What do you miss most about being little?
People never thought you were deviant. They assumed the good in you first. And vice versa.

x. Are you happy with your given name?
Yes, I am named after a powerful woman whom my family loves dearly.

x. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
It's in the millions. Literally. I'd need to be funded to not have to work and travel constantly and pay an international cell phone bill. For two people.

x. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Nice? No. I'm compassionate and fair, but I don't just throw pleasantries around on a whim. I'm pretty level and courteous and humerous. What is nice, anyway?

x. Do you spend more time with your boyfriend or your friends?
I guess my friends, being I don't have a boyfriend (sob, sob!)

x. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
Support two people at my ideal living standards working at my current occupation.

x. What is your ideal marriage location?
My family's backyard.

x. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
The guitar! hehehe

x. Something you love and hate?
My body.

x. What kind of bedding do you use?
Expensive, lavish, plain.

x. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
My best friend IS my sex life!

x. What's the one language you want to learn?
Spanish.

x. Do you drive stick?
Not since I stopped dating men... oh, THAT stick... not yet :) Ask me in a week.

x. What's one trait you hate in a person?
Hate.

x. Most frivolous purchase?
Car stereo. I don't like to drive.

x. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Yes, I do. I can not be, but I choose to more often than not.

x. What do you cook the best?
Food. I'm an egotist about my cooking.

x. Favorite writing instrument?
Precision pens. Mmmmm. Or fountain pens. ::orgasms::

x. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Stand out. Waaaaaay out.

x. What kind of books do you like to read?
Narratives.

x. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Buy a truck or a hatchback, set some aside for Christopher to use for college, pay my bills, help out my sister with her master's, pay my parents, fly to see them... lots of stuff.

x. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
Very rarely, do people that I do not like, know that I do not like them.

x. Do you cry in front of friends?
Not usually. I have, but not usually.

x. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
...Something's different about that one...

x. Are you a giver or a taker?
Giver, especially if I am uncomfortable or insecure. A taker only if I trust you.

x. When's the last time you cried?
Not too long ago... day before yesterday.

x. How many drinks before you're tipsy?
One or two good, stiff ones.

x. Do you ever have to beg?
Nope. I don't beg. No means no.

x. Do you think you're cute?
No, I do not.

x. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
Nah, but it's not a habbit.

x. What's the most painful experience you've ever had?
Being betrayed, when I didn't see it coming.

Yeah, it's ugly. I'm making it not. Be patient.

JOURNAL UNDER REDECORATION.

To quote Snr. Prissy Pants,

"It's been a bipolar day."

Only more like a week.

I just want to go to Oregon. And Arizona to see my folks. And back in my bed again.

Today, my girlfriend came home.

Today, my soccer team won their first match. On our home pitch.

Today, my kids rocked their reading competency review so hard, I had tears in my eyes, I was so proud.

And today, you ruined it all.

Please stop picking fights with me. You've won, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Is this some giant competition where you need, NEED to come out ahead?

Well, I give up. I don't want to play anymore.

Just tell me where to stand, okay? Cut to the chase, grow a set and tell me what you won't say. Put it out there, so I can stop wondering why you're hellbent to stay in this downward spiral.

I'm tired of you bringing me down. I asked you how you were doing today, you immediately became defensive. Then, you complained I don't call you anymore, but you weren't upset that I wasn't calling YOU, you were just upset that I was calling someone else. You SAID that, in those words, and you didn't even notice.

I don't call because whenever I do, you have no interest in me. You also admitted that today. That was hard to read, but I wasn't surprised. The only questions I get from you are you asking about my girlfriend. I'm glad she's wonderful and I love talking about her, and I love sharing her.

If she's what you want, step up. I won't stop you. It's her choice, anyway. Not mine, not yours. So if that's what you're going for, step up. But you're not going to win anyone's affection with how downright hurtful you're being.

I am not "replacing" you with anyone. How selfish of you to think that. You are not the only thing in my world. One person will always come before you.

Me. That person is me.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. And stop saying you're being "replaced." I'm not so small that I can't have more than one friend. I'm way beyond third grade.

My girlfriend called me.

From Mexico.

Just to say hi and "I love you."

She's the best ever.

and i am on a computer that doesn't have working shift keys, pardon the typing...

so, i take my kids into a technology lab to do internet only search on student athlete drug testing for a mini debate.

but about 2/3 of all research is blocked, because of the word 'drug'.

grrr.

i call the media center goddess aka the librarian who is a huge advocate for students and information access, and she laughs and says the psychology class had the same problem, and a world history class wasn't able to research anything with the word 'weapon' when they were looking up midevil times.

she also said she was writing the district an email because they have put a ban on students using computers for non-educational reasons. she was livid, and now i am too.

how many of us learned all of our computer skills in a class... damn i hate not having a shift key... half of my kids won't take a computer class until they are sophomores, which means i would half to spend forever and a day providing computer instruction to my students when all i need is them to get on a computer to do something that they would be able to do if they had exposure. you can't take a class to surf the internet in high school, kids learn that on their own. i need them to be able to do simple stuff like save a document, create a folder, simple stuff that if i have to wait until they're taught that, my meeting the curriculum strands for techology won't happen.

grrrrrr. a kid and the internet is not a dagerous combination, as long as there is someone responsible empowering them.

it just burns me how much people are still afraid of the unknown.

Name: Pica, Pica, Pica!
Age: 25 and holding strong
Gender: fuct
DOB: 11/27/1978
Star Sign: Sag, baby
Birth Stone: Topaz (orange is so trendy now...)
Chinese Birthsign: Uh, I know this because I eat at the Chinese Buffet like once a week... damnit...
Middle name: Janelle
Which way do you swing: I don't swing so much any more, I am a body at rest with a beautiful woman.
Do you / have you ever drunk: It's taking everything I have to keep from correcting the grammar in that question... and the answer is yes, often.
Do you / have you ever smoked: Yep. Not in a loooong while, though (save my social anxiety/bar smoking)
Do you / have you ever done drugs: Yep.

Are you this or that

Tall or short: Pretty tall, I'm told
Leftie or Rightie: Righty for most all things
Blond(e) or brunette: Brunette
Silly or serious: Laid back low key free willed type of serious.
Happy or sad: Happy.
Clever or stupid: Witty, street smart, but I'm not going to be taking calculus any time soon
Left-wing or Right-wing: I'm a conservative Republican. Which is surprisingly more leftist than most people know.
Crazy or sane: Cah-raze-e.
Bizarre or normal: Totally freaking normal. Bizarre are those people who shop at Gap and buy the outfit off of the plastic model because the other people in the greek-alaphbet-club are doing it, too...
Innocent or corrupted: Pretty corrupt. I *am* a teacher.
Optimistic or pessimistic: I'm a die hard realist.
Shy or gregarious: Very very shy, to the point I'm gregarious to compensate.

Sex


First crush: Aaron Somethingorother, sometimes I can remember his name...
Last crush: Rachel always and forever, but every drag show brings a new crush that fades with smoke odor on my jeans...
First kiss: I have to say Ryan. I wish I didn't.
Last kiss: I kiss some of my friends on the cheek when we greet/depart. Last loving kiss was my mom and dad at the airport in December, last romantic kiss was Dec. 15.
Best kiss: I have a few hot-n-steamy ones from my past that make me melt... usually ones where my lover has been seducing me. I've had one kiss that wasn't my best, but it left me the most hungry I have ever been... that was on Dec. 14...
Worst kiss: Derek in high school. He was like kissing a toilet plunger.
How many people have you kissed (estimate if you need to): Over 30.
First boyfriend/girlfriend: Jason E, when I was in the 5th grade, Megan when I was 17.
Last boyfriend / girlfriend: Brian, 2000 and Rachel, current.
How many boyfriends / girlfriends have you had: Relationships, 5 boys and 7 girls... steady/serious, one boy and two girls.
First shag: Consentual, boy 18 (by my gay definition), and girl 21.
Last shag: Dec. 15, technically
Best shag: hahahahaha. Not telling :)
Worst shag: In fairness, I'm not telling that either.
How many people have you slept with: 4, 5, or 6 depending on how you count.
Ever had a threesome: Nope.
Ever had group sex: Only if you count the people listening in...
Ever attended an orgie: Nope.
Ever slept with more than one person on the same day: Hahaha, not full sex, but damn close.
Ever done it in your parents bed: Nope.
Ever had anal sex (give / recieve): Given anal/oral
Ever had oral sex (give / recieve): yes, please, again!
Who is your ideal sexual partner: someone who likes to receive, who is a seducer by like to be dominated in a sense, someone who is playful, intense, passionate, quiet, slow, torturous, who takes and gives control with great fluidity and who enjoys giving, sharing, exploring.


Childhood


Who was the best power ranger: I was too old for that...
If you and five of your friends were power rangers, who would be who: In my old age, my yoga buddies and I have become "yoga rangers" and I am the Flexibility Ranger, Mr. Job is the Strength Ranger and the Ragin' Asian is the Flexibility Ranger. It's funnier when you're drunk. Or in yoga.
What was your favourite (now discontinued) kids TV show: Square One and ZoobaliZoo
You can bring back five shows from your childhood, what are they: The two above, plus Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors, Voltron, MASK, and Poochie.
Can you name any of Captain Planets planeteers: huh?
Which one of the planeteers did you want to be: ::blink::
Who was cooler, Sharky or George: sorry...
Otis the Ardvark or Gordon the Gopher: no se...
Can you name a transformer OTHER than Optimus Prime: I have no idea, but I watched it with my brother. I'm a bit too young for that...
Lucky Charms; candy or cereal: Candy. Ew for breakfast.
Opal fruits or Starburst: The smell reminds me of my ex boyfriend in 8th grade's breath. Yuck.
Mintolas or Mint Munchies: Huh?
Marathons or Snickers: This one I know. Snickers.
Cocopops or Chococrispies: neither
Which was the best stop on the Playbus: And I thought I watched too much TV.
Jason or Kylie: I give up.
Did you ever own fluorescent / neon socks: Several pairs, and I layered, 'em, too!
Pj and Duncan or Ant and Dec: huh?

Random

Have you ever eaten horse: Yep. Buttery, chewy goodness.
Are you a vegetarian: Not any more. My body isn't built to be vegetarian it seems...
Do you know where Burundi is: TV? What?
Have you ever been to:
Continental Europe: Yes
North America: Yes
South America: No
Africa: No
Asia: No
Australasia: No
Birmingham: No
A funeral: Yes, dozens.
Do you like cheese: Yes, lots.
What's your favourite film: Blood Oranges, now that I'm all British Brain Washed.
What's your favourite song: right now, Cannonball
Who's your favourite actor / actress: Christ, namedropping...
Can you remember the 'Ariston' adverts: no, I have no idea what this even is.
Can you remember advertising before it was taken over by Lesley Ash: yes, this I know :)
Which of your friends lives furthest away: Rachel and Irene are a close tie... and on different continents...
Which of your friends lives the closest: Jen, next door.
Who's your oldest friend: age wise, Linda (she's almost 60!)
Who's been your friend for the longest: Jilldo
If you could wish one person out of existance, who would it be: George Bush, baby.
How do YOU eat YOURS: Baby, if I could eat mine, I'd never leave the house...
Do you like bacon: Yep.
Can you lick your nose: Nope, though I'm looking for a yoga pose to help me do that!
Have you ever broken your arm or leg: Arm, ankle, fingers
Have you ever broken anyone elses arm or leg: Fingers
Would you like to: I'd like to fuck up some kneecaps
Would you have cosmetic surgery: Never.
You're about to die a virgin in a horrendous fire, you have ten minutes to live, and you're in a room with Vanessa Felts and David Dickinson, who do you shag: I'd probably be too busy screaming to fuck.
Who do you fancy right now: This grrrl in Mexico...
What was the last thing you ate: Eggs and sausage, last night.
Aren't bunnies cute: Eh.
Why do birds suddenly appear: That's what happens when entire cultures are denied access to birth control...
Do you know what teabagging is: Yep.
Do you know what felching is: Yep.
Alien or Predator: I'd like to be a predator more than an alien...
Can fish feel pain: Of course.
Can the French feel pain: Yes, but they are too classy to show it.

Who You Are...

Name: Call me Pica
Age/Birthday: 25 and counting
Zodiac Sign: Firey Sag
Location: right now? Youngsville, NC
Hair color: Fuckme red, blond/gold and brown havoc
Eyecolor: piercing blue
Stuff you wear most often/your style: baggy jeans, tees, hoodies, sports bras, flipflops, do rags, sunglasses, fleece vests
What they call you; your social label: Dapper Dyke. I'm kind of college soccer frat boy, but with boobs.
Where You like to shop for clothes: American Eagle, Old Navy, Soccer.com, Target
Where you like to shop for other stuff: Super Target, Super Walmart, Whole Foods, Khols, Lowe's, Staples

Favorites...

Music Types: Folk, trance, techno, danceanthems, some club trip hop or hip-hop, grrrl band, scottish-influenced rock or folk, some country, some pop, some christan (according to sarah, grrr), rachel on her guitar
Bands: Rachel :), Damien Rice, some stuff this grrl in ME burned for me, MOS Dance Anthems, Ultra Trance
Movies: Lately, I'm into foreign films something fierce. And Braveheart. And horror flicks/psycho thrillers, but I can't watch them until April 18 due to a promise I made.
Actor: Names aren't coming to me...
Actress: Again, names ellude me today.
Food: Indian, Italian, seafood
Perfume: I love expensive scents. Money, baby, money. Chanel, Armani, XS, Palo Picasso
(other) Scent you like: I'm hung up on Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day lavendar. Can't live without it. That, or earthy wet-clay smells
Song: Tracks 2-5 on the Damien Rice album (yeah, that one)
Female Singer: My mom. Also, Melissa Ferrick, Dar Williams, Deb from Halcyon, Indigo Girls (pick one), Ani at times, Stacy Orrico, Liz Fair
Male Singer: Damien Rice, Garth Brooks (so sue me), John Mayer

Sex...

Marital status: partnered :)
Sexual orientation: queer, genderfuct, all of the above.
In lust or in love: Always in love, lust whenever I can get my hands on her...
Person you'd like to date: I'd like to date myself, see what it is that makes me all neurotic and fix it :) (But we ALL know I have the hots for Heathergirlie, Smurf, Chunk and Panda!)
Person you find sexiest/most attractive: In the whole world? I'm all cheesey, but I think Rachel wins in this competition. Which is why I can't get enough of her.
Turn-ons: Laughter, wit, intellegence, compassion, love of self, humility to something "bigger", dedecation, ability to dream, ability to act, ability to be a hypocrit at times, fear, courage, likes to eat and cook :)
Turn-offs: anything in excess, hate, fanaticism, unwillingness to experiement, arrogence, passive
Submissive or Dominant: depends on the situation. I choose to be passive, but I can be dominant when I'm out of control (good or bad ways, both)
Openminded or kinky: I'm very openminded, therefore I don't use the word "kinky" to judge

Right now, what...

...Are you wearing: black workout pants over thermals, black soccer socks, soccer slides, long sleeved white shirt, charcoal grey teeshirt, olive hoodie, do rag, orange whistle
...Time is it: like 7 pm
...Song are you listening to: no music, just my old-couple neighbors giggling and cooking
...Else are you doing: avoiding grading
(Who) are you thinking of: my psuedo-Mexican senorita
...is your mood like: small. If you know me, you know what I mean.
...is the last thing you bought or received: I received some paperwork about moving out of my apartment.
...is on your computer desk: a whole lotta shit, my cell phone, paper, some gum, two pictures I printed out
...are you drinking or eating: nope
Do you think of this survey?: eh... I've done better.

My icon makes me smile. Not only am I a whore for Edward Gorey, but this picture reminds me of how I feel as a teacher.

Especially today.

My little wayward angels are acting... well, wayward and darkly angelic (lest we not forget, Satan is meerly a fallen angel...) I keep forgetting they're immature (not as a slam, as a biological fact) and they're one, maybe two steps past being a "child." I expect them to be adults, and they can't be. And then no one is happy.

My Praxis is fastly approaching. I am moderately worried about the multiple choice part, being I have no base in literature, but the essay part I know I'm fine in. I test April 17, which WAS the day I was returning from Le Fucking Long Roadtrip, but we're cutting it short so I cna get back before then. (I wasn't actually supposed to have to test, but TFA-which stands for totally fucking absentminded--dropped the ball and gave us all the wrong dates to test on.)

As it is, the new agenda looks like I fly to Portland on April 7, catching a 3 hour layover and lunch with my parents in Phoenix before Oregon. After hitting the big O(R), Rachel picks me up and gives me a crash course driving lesson on her manual as we head to the stompin' land of Milton-Freewater. Two days of family-lovin' and we leave, head to Idaho and then to Park City, Utah. Sleeping in UT, a fast exodus to AZ and we're in the Valley for that Sat. night and Easter Sunday. We head out Monday morning for Flagstaff to catch I-40 (note the change, if you're one of the people who was interested in meeting up for breakfast/coffee), and we'll be in NM that night. After that, it's Oak city, Memphis, Asheville and depending on how we feel, we may drive on from Asheville to Home in the same night. We'll see.

I'm excited for the road trip; not the driving, but the experience. I did I-40 two years ago, with the folks, but it will be different, traveling with the best friend/lover. One of my favorite things about Rachel is her sense of adventure. Once she's here, we've got pipedreams of the coast, a few kayaking and canoe trips, women's week in Key West, fall in New England, skiing... I am thrilled to finally have someone in my life who is interested and dedicated to experiencing new things, scary things, life altering things...

I also need to start looking to coordinate the move from Single Grrrl's Apartment to The Estrogen Hut. Rachel and I will probably move in the end of April/May, and Jen will show up at the end of the school year. I'm very excited for this move, although (uhg) it means moving again. Sadly, I've learned how to do it "right," so stay turned for the "Movers and Shakers Par-TEE" coming up.

Damnit. I need to teach. Grrr. Be right back.

Mi amiga partió para México hoy.

El corazón duele.

Dolerá sólo durante algún tiempo.

Creo que ella tendrá una experiencia buena en México. Espero que ella esté consciente gozar el país y su familia también.

Yo no pensé que utilizaría mi español para esto...

Okay, so there's this song I totally dig on when I've got a few in me and I'm dancing... and while preparing my lesson today on prepositions, I determine that it is, by far, the finest example of the importance of prepositional phrases.

So, I'm dancing around my classroom, prior to student arrival, all funky-like, doing my club-self thing, and chanting "To the Windoooooooooooooow, to the wall! (WALL!) To the sweat na-na-nah-nah, to all these things muthafukahs..." and I realize, hey, I don't know the words, but I bet I'll have to buzz out the MF words... so I go to the computer, and look up the song.

And yeah, I can't use it.

( (the lyrics for the dance-club deprived) )

I find three things disturbing. One, that to find an excellent, high interest omnimodality aide, I was able to (quickly) look to rap music. Two, that I am unable to use this aide because of the obnoxious amounts of sexual and profaine references appropriate for my life, but not my classroom. And three, WHAT THE FUCK?! How can a dank thug club rap song have THAT MANY prepositions correctly used and illustrated (including that tricky to-infinitive and to-presosition example)?

To steal from panda (and others), LE HUGE SIGH.

Typed to me in an AIM:

Uh, you do realize that your last poast [sic] isn't private, right? She can read it.
Yeah, I know. It's in my journal, though, so...we have no secrets. And my feelings are what goes in my journal.
Honeymoon must be over. She's probably just now getting ready because she's having second thoughts.
I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood for you to be a dick to me. Take care. [signed off]

Ah, mi amigas... fuckers.

Yeah, last night could have been better. It made me think twice about typing in this today. But, I'm a big believer in airing that dirty laundry. Or else, the stink just gets bigger... I could have done without her getting angry or mad at my feelings, but I'm sure she could have done without my fears and insecurities. It's a draw, and a truce.

And like I told her, I'm glad that we can do that. My parents told me once, when I asked them why they fought, if it meant they were getting a divorce, my dad looked at my mom, and then me and said, "We fight and yell and act immature so we don't get a divorce. In order to get angry, you have to listen. We listen to each other, and we fight because we feel safe with each other to speak our minds. It's people who can't do that who have to get divorced."

My father wasn't giving an end-all sermon. He was explaining his situation to his child (so, please don't spend your time drafting a comment to correct him or me, you-know-who. If I could block you, I would.)

I have held on to that because it explains why two people, who yell and holler and call each other names, can also spend 36 years hugging, kissing (even publically, in their old age!), laughing, and not spending more than a few days apart. My parents were never lovers, they were best friends who discovered they were in love. They became lovers, with time. My mom flips my dad off, my dad hollers about her lack of organizational skills. They have never gone to bed angry or without saying "I love you."

It's people's weather-influenced bullshit I can't handle.

little hostile are we, Pica?

I got pulled over AGAIN yesterday for my car being illegal. This shit sucks. I have to get my car street legal (by bribing, basically), then have the tint evaluated. After that, if it is illegal, I can rest and hope the cops stop fucking with me. If it's not, I have to pay to have it removed and get my car re-legalized.

Christ, I hate this state some days. Why is this an issue NOW? I've lived here for two years, damnit.

The cop that pulled me was a total asshole, same guy as last time. He basically told me he saw my car and couldn't resist. Fucker. I hate hate hate him, I swear, his kid is getting written up today at school... I just "can't resist."

well, not really, but it sounds good...

( And now for something completely selfish... )

oh, the sound of her voice...

I could write for hours on what just her voice does for me... and when she says my name...

This will be the longest three weeks of my life. Three weeks to feel her skin against mine, dancing cheek to cheek in our living room... three weeks to hear her laughter ring in my ears, to kiss the salt from her neck, to hold her hand as we grocery shop.

Three weeks.

oooohhh the sound of that woman's voice...

happy anniversary to me :/

i hate how moody i get when i don't get to express something that i'm feeling.